Realization

Sometimes, things happen that change your entire world. It could be a birth, a death, a wedding or even a simple letter. When you are blindsided by an event, it can completely change everything. Nobody expects someone they love to die. When that person is a child, it can destroy you. How can you go on? Well..when you have to put your feelings on hold so you can deal with other people, it becomes automatic. I have done it..twice. The first time, My beautiful girl Kristin was hsot and killed by her husband. She had two small children who were left virtual orphans. Their mommy was dead and their father was in jail. So, I had to put aside my anger and grief to help these two innocent children cope..Was It because I was selfless? Not at all. I had other children at home. My son is totally disabled and can't even feed himself. My other daughter was at the brink of being a teenager. My husband was so deeply in pain, there were times he couldn't even talk about it. So, out of necessity, I was the robot who dealt with it. The kids finally came to accept what happened,thanks to patience and counseling. They were fine, and then their father killed himself in prison. Since they were older now, they felt the anger and rejection from the father who couldn't accept what he had done to their mother. I never really dealt with Kris' death. Then two years ago, the call came. Lisa, my younger daughter had died in her sleep. No clue..no explanation. Her husband shut down emotionally. Lisa had left him with a tiny three moonth old baby girl. Kristin, named for the aunt she never knew, saved my life. I really didn't think I could recover from the trauma of losing Lisa. Yet, every single day, Krissy laid in my arms. She smiled, she cooed and she slept. As she grew, I saw Lisa in her more and more. Her smile, her hair, her eyes and even her chubby little legs. She rarely cried, and loved being held. She is two years old and she is our joy. So, I have learned that no matter how much pain you are in, it eventually passes. I feel the loss, but I also remember the fun. There are so many good memories of my girls, and daily reminders of my love for them...So, trust me on this...pain fades, love lasts forever. Talk to everyone you need to talk to, and trust yourself to be strong. Sometimes, you are all someone else has!